Best Weekend Ever

I spent 85% of it on the couch, and I don’t feel guilty about it.

I had the best four-day weekend ever. I did nothing.

A few months ago, if you would have told me there was a four-day weekend approaching, I would have created a packed itinerary full of partying and exploring, maximizing every possible opportunity to make it the best weekend ever. But this weekend, doing nearly nothing was what made it the best weekend ever.

Have you ever heard of “The College Triangle?” It gives you social life, good grades, and enough sleep, and tells you that you can only choose two.

The triangle was right. And refusing to choose between academics and social life, I chose to give up sleep a lot of the time.

In college, I never had a spare moment. While in school full-time, I worked three jobs, was in multiple extracurriculars, and was a firm believer that school should not come at the expense of my social life.

There were days when I would wake up for a full day of class, go to my first job, then my second job, then straight from the second job go out with my friends all night. As for homework and studying, I’d take my one free day (usually Saturdays) and lock myself in the library cramming it all in.

People knew if they wanted someone to go out with they should ask me because I couldn’t say no. It would be a Wednesday night and I’d be in my pajamas, and a friend would be like “Let’s go to Bourbon Street!,” and I’d be out the door before I was even off the phone. I was all for spontaneity. (I think it came from rarely going out in high school, but that’s a story for another time).

Towards the end of my senior year, my inability to have any spare time was pretty ridiculous. I had a note in my phone where I would plan my days down to the minute to squeeze in everything I wanted to do. It would be like this:

9-9:30 am: Get ready for job A

9:30-10 am: Drive to job A but during the drive call that person you haven’t talked to in weeks

10-4 pm: Job A

4-4:30 pm: Drive home

4:30-5 pm: Send email for extracurricular #1 while also snacking because you forgot to eat lunch today

5-6 pm: Submit assignment while changing for job B

6-9 pm: Job B, and while there see if you can sneak in a homework assignment

9-9:30 pm: Pregame and get ready to go out  

It became routine to burn the fuse at all ends. I was exhausted, but I was used to it. I didn’t like to say no to people, and I definitely didn’t like to miss out on social events. I loved my busy schedule, and when a free day came around, I’d just end up picking up another shift. 

The routine wasn’t healthy, and I knew that. But I’m not a quitter. My friends and parents would say, “Maybe consider dropping one of your commitments.” The answer was always no. I’d find a way to do it all.

When I started grad school in Chicago, I was so confused as to why I was so tired all the time (more than I was in college). I was like, “How did I manage to do all that in undergrad but now I can barely stay awake after one activity?”

Maybe it's because I am now waking up at 7 am for school, whereas in college I sometimes didn’t start class until 11 am. Or maybe it’s because it's now dark out by 4 pm, or maybe because I am just getting older. 

It’s probably a little bit of everything, but I think a huge part of it is the work I’m doing and the energy I am giving to it. I really care about my assignments and I am working my ass off. Not that I didn’t work my ass off in undergrad, but it’s different. This work is directly correlated to my future– a career that I am passionate about and want to be not just good, but great at. I’m not just trying to finish assignments by their deadline, I am truly trying to learn and grow.

The first Saturday night that I chose to stay in here, I said to my roommates, “Am I boring now?” I was having a blast watching a movie on the couch but in the back of my head, I was feeling guilty for staying in on a Saturday night. My past routine would never have allowed me to stay in on a weekend night. My roommates were like, “Jordana. Chill. We all know you’ll be back out next weekend. It’s okay.” 

Someone even asked my roommate the next day, “Does Jordana not go out anymore?” I was like, “I missed ONE night! Sue me.” But I knew what they meant, it was so unlike me to voluntarily stay in while my roommates were going out.

With no class Friday and MLK day Monday, this weekend was a four-day weekend. I spent 85% of it on the couch, and I don’t feel guilty about it.

I went out on Thursday and Friday night with friends, but on Saturday, I sat on the couch reading in my pajamas from the moment I woke up until the moment I went to bed. One of my homework assignments was to read Born a Crime by Trevor Noah, and I just couldn't put it down.

I had been planning to go out that night with my roommate, but as it was getting later and later, I wanted less and less to leave the couch and break out of my zone. So, I did homework all Saturday night, and I enjoyed every minute. And guess what, on Sunday I did the exact same thing. Except that this time I did change out of my pajamas and relocated to Starbucks to do my work. Today is Monday, and I am still in my pajamas.

It might sound dorky, but I actually love doing homework in grad school. I guess that’s a good sign, the fact that I’m not dreading the work I’m doing. I know I am in the perfect program for me.

Anyways, the weekend is about to end, and I don’t feel guilty about all the “me time” I had. I did (a lot of) homework, ordered Chinese food one night despite having a fridge full of groceries, worked out, read in the sauna, watched a lot of The Office, and slept past noon every day. I loved every minute of it.

I’ll be back out to play next weekend, but it won’t be to prove to myself I’m not boring. It will be because I genuinely want to.

I’m learning how to say no. I’m learning not to have FOMO when I see photos of my friends out. I’m learning to listen to my body when I am tired and to be okay with doing nothing. And I’m certainly learning that staying in is not indicative of my personality.

A free day on my calendar would’ve scared the old me, but Chicago Jordana is excited about it. And that's more than okay.